I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
