I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
