oh god the rape fog is back!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
