So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
