she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
