i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
