I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
