So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
