this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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