he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
