She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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