we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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