I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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