She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
