Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize