I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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