Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
