wrigley field is MILF paradise
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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