you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
