Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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