She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
