Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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