I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
