No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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