Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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