omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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