My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize