Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
