so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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