dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
