at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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