1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize