Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
