Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
