I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
