Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
