he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
