my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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