I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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