Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
