Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
