Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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