Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
