It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
