He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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