I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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