There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
