you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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