Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
