He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
