No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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