I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
