My room smells like vodka and shame
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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