Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We just shotgunned beers for America
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
