Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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