My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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