hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
