Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
