So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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