Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.