just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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