Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza