You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.