Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You can't special order awesome

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  (404): You can't special order awesome http://tfl.nu/116h
  Replies (14) Good night (3034) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

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  (410): sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well http://tfl.nu/vcbo
  Replies (27) Good night (872) Bad night (4919)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.

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  (773): Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years. http://tfl.nu/9eix
  Replies (10) Good night (6452) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.

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  (845): I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again. http://tfl.nu/ku6h
  Replies (15) Good night (3407) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you

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  (248): i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you http://tfl.nu/cx5a
  Replies (11) Good night (6210) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My vagina agrees.

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  (330): i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again. (614): My vagina agrees. http://tfl.nu/ii41
  Replies (20) Good night (6367) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  what is it with giant penises always finding me

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  (216): what is it with giant penises always finding me http://tfl.nu/ji8j
  Replies (26) Good night (4303) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"

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  (510): Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone" http://tfl.nu/xglm
  Replies (14) Good night (3441) Bad night (1620)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.

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  (414): I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants. http://tfl.nu/xbe1
  Replies (6) Good night (1465) Bad night (1320)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
  Replies (13) Good night (2588) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.

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  (917): Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays. http://tfl.nu/jpwh
  Replies (12) Good night (755) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights

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  (312): I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights http://tfl.nu/amvj
  Replies (5) Good night (1091) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.

  (415): View more from California

  She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.

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  (415): So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers. (415): She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better. http://tfl.nu/azok
  Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.

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  (705): I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it. http://tfl.nu/763y
  Replies (0) Good night (572) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience

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  (720): Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience http://tfl.nu/i350
  Replies (1) Good night (366) Bad night (138)

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