Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."

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(214): View more from Texas

i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

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(650): View more from California

It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases

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(406): View more from Montana

That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(903): View more from Texas

Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe

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(352): View more from Florida

I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

(352): View more from Florida

Just realized these events may be related.

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(631): View more from New York

lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon

(1-631): View more from New York

wow.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

I know but these gold fish are so much better

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