get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now