It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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