I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
