Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
