Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
