you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
