Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
