Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
