Sponge bath it is.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
