I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
