wrigley field is MILF paradise
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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