he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
