cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
